Drift through my town

I’ve drifted away from a lot of people, but it’s mainly because I wanted to drift away from them. Why do I want to stick around with people who just keep messing up? Screwing me over, and mostly screwing themselves over? I was just tired of watching everything relapsing and irresponsible actions. None of the actions were rather my fault, but it just hurts watching what was going behind every single scene. It just really hurts me, cause watching my friends get stabbed is like stabbing me in the back, and I couldn’t do anything about it, I couldn’t. Most of all, watching others disregard various of things. Sometimes, I ask myself why so much, why?

I don’t care for a lot of things, which is true, I don’t, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate many things. I’ve been told once through my mistakes that I am apart of this society, this certain community, and that I should just put up with it cause I take part in this action, in this society. When I was told this, it felt like the person was making me feel obligated to do this command, which I was obviously oblivious to. Why should I be forced to like and cooperate with something that I don’t like? I can say I dislike this town and people can disregard and put in their own perspective and defend this town, but you know what? Just cause I don’t like something, it doesn’t mean you have to agree with me. Of course I expect different opinions, we all have different opinions, and apparently I can’t have mines. Just saying, it always feels like I can’t even have my own voice in any say of any matter.

So I watch people make mistakes, I don’t hold anybody’s hands, but does that mean I don’t care? No, it doesn’t. Me, as a person in your life, will still be there for you, I never wanted to be a good friend therefor I tend to not get close to anybody. I’ll share laughters, smiles, tears, memories, adventures, and all that other jolly swell time, yeah, but I don’t want to be inclined to the title of a best friend anymore, a close friend okay, a friend okay, but nothing more. I don’t want to be apart of another large group of friends because I rather not experience the old process (paragraph 1). I understand that no matter where I live, no matter what town I’ll reside in, there will always be someone with the same kind of personality as my old town, if you get what I mean. But the reason why I want to get out of here, this town, is to start fresh, brand new. I’m just tired here, tired and uninspired as cliche as that sounds, but it’s true. I know that nothing will be perfect, I don’t care for my future bumps, I don’t care if history repeats it’s course for me, as long as I’m brand new and fresh.

But wait, I’m not finished. This town? This town has taught me so much these past few years. The people here taught me new things, created adventures with me. The people here are all like a family, the people here in this town. There are still some people with hands and hearts that I can still trust and hold, there are people here that do truly mean so much to me. I don’t always focus on the negative things (but this post is mainly about the negative things). The people here, we’re not all bad and this town offers so much.

So this is why I don’t care for many things now at my current state of mind. I don’t care for any social drama of the matter, any mishaps and mistakes of others, etc. I don’t care about people’s comments about me, negative or positive(kind of a lie, but a majority of the times I just don’t care). I just really don’t care, but as I said, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate many things. This is why I decided to let go of people, to drift away from them, because there’s no effort in anything anymore, also because of paragraphs 1-2.

If you read this…. wow, this probably makes no sense to you.