minaLV21

Untitled

2011-01-31T20:05:00.001-08:00

Have I lost my sense of taste? I’m stuttering trying to control this tongue to not slur, but I’m lost amongst the blurs of your envisioned haste future. I’m trying to keep pace, but I cannot attain the words I desire to reach to your attention. I’ve become obscure of your true intentions and what you’re trying to acquire but your ambition pulls me in. I’m lost in the moment as I admire the beauty of your existence. I fear I’m not up to par to your intelligence and I can’t speak a single word. I’m quite intrigued by that beautiful vibrant curve of yours you call a smile. This bliss sensation cruising downtown enjoying these city lights to escape these shitty nights as we let go of all the bruisings, singing our hearts out loud to rid this disconnection. I would tell you we’re just friends, but I’d be a liar avoiding a lit sparked fire, this lost mission I would risk so we could exist. I would tell you every sense of euphoria I feel for you and this moment together, but I rather wake up to another unexpected adventure. And this city life with you I can live with everyday at the cafe’ the morning after to feel at home. The dream seems so far, but it’s this bright star blinking in my heart warmly.

Easy Target

2010-11-27T14:33:00.000-08:00

Excuse me for being an easy target to be the laughing stock and amusement of your hardcore pure entertainment. People always tell me if I’m fed up with being the one getting picked on then just stand up for myself. I’m the easy target cause I don’t ever say anything back. Honestly it didn’t bother me. All the tiny jokes, all the tiny stupid punch lines. Anything I say, even the most simplest reply, one of you guys will find a way to turn it into a joke, and then others would follow up on it. It’s like anything I do or say is a set up for myself. I stand there like what the fuck every time it happens, I say everyday things, normal things, and I get picked on for it. I even get abused, my guy friends punch me, throw shit at me, and I’ll never forget the part were you guys threw a cup at my face, w h a t t h e f u c k ? ! It’s been about 3 years all together now that I’ve known all of you, and I am tired of it. I am fuckin tired of you guys treating me like I’m not even human. I feel like a damn animal you guys can fuck around with and kick to the side of the road. Oh, and took your guys advice, to stand up for myself. And what do I get? Treated like bullshit, telling me I’m the sensitive one. What the fuck am I suppose to do? Anything i do will annoy the hell of you guys. I’m done with it, I don’t want to be treated like this anymore. If you guys really are my friends, then fuck off with the jokes, even if they’re tiny. I don’t care how many times you guys say “but your Mina”. Mina, aka, easy to make fun of. No, I’m done with that. Find a new Mina to fuck with.

Lady Overboard

2010-10-03T12:29:00.000-07:00

I am a female, see me as a female, treat me like a female. Sometimes being a girl with a majority of guy friends isn’t all that great. Yeah, I’m one of the guys, but did you guys forget? I’m a girl! I understand that you guys see me as a tomboy, as one of the guys. But is it really worth trippin out about when you see me in a skirt and dress? Come on, I’ve been dressing the way I do for years now and you’re barely getting use to it? (Maybe I just act as a guy too much -____-“) But the thing that irritates me the most is when you guys forget I’m a girl and expect me to do tasks that only a guy would do. I can’t stand it when you guys are rude to me. I swear when another girl is in the room you’ll be polite, but when it comes to me, shit I have do it by myself? Do I not get the same attention as other girls get? They’re not even girls you talk to or like either that’s why it bothers me! Sometimes you guys put my life in danger(exaggeration), which I will never forget on some parts, and sometimes you guys really offend me. All I’m asking is to see me as a girl and that I do have female perspectives and that it’s okay to treat me like one of the guys, but don’t expect me to have a damn dick.

Nicotine Physical Feature

2010-09-06T20:07:00.000-07:00

Can’t breathe the smoke, can’t be the smoker she said. Can’t stand the taste, don’t kiss the taste she said. Never felt the goods, never been in their place for the feel goods. Never been relaxed, never kicked it back, that’s who she said she thought she was. Wasn’t attracted, wasn’t appealing. Saw the smoke, saw the haze, traced it down the roots to capture the grasp of his eyes. His eyes settled on her. Gleaming, peering down her conscious, had her at a distance hello. Had herself fluttering at a turn off, suddenly she was at a certain turn on as she watched him inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale. Paying close attention to his jaw lines, oh how he held that narcotic. How his two fingers represent his tranquility, making her feel at ease, at peace, making her feel like ohhh like ahhh. Good girl gone bad? Nahhh.

My name is Mina, but you can call me Mina :)

2010-09-06T20:05:00.000-07:00

My father named me Mina, I was raised with the name Mina. I grew up with the name, everything I ever knew was because of my name. Mina, you see, grew up with everything I knew as a person growing up. But, I always got made fun of cause of my name. Mean-uh, Minh-ah(minh means smelly in Laos), My-nuh, and any other awful names my name could be formed into. Then there was 7th grade, where I earned the nickname Mimi because I often fell asleep in class and Mimi means sleep in Spanish and I had a lot of Mexican classmates(Moreno Valley, CA.) At that time I was a new kid, no one really knew my name and I guess Mina was hard to pronounce, so I got used to being called Mimi. Then I moved to Fresno, I just started introducing myself as Mimi. I started hating my real name, I hated the sound of Mina. I don’t remember why, but I did. Next thing you know, Mimi was just a phase in my life. I was only 13 when I earned the nickname and that’s when I started changing. When I was 16 1/2 years old, I realized that the whole 4 years that I passed by the name Mimi shaped me into a better person….. and I became Mina again. See through those 4 years I’ve been through so much agony and life lessons. I’m not saying because of the name Mimi I am who I am today, but what I’ve learned through the process of those 4 years. They were really good life lessons, and I don’t regret anything that happened. Through those 5 years, I’ve learned a lot. Then I realized, why Mimi? My name is Mina. My real name is Mina, who is Mimi? I mean, Lisa’s dogs name is Mimi, there’s Mymy Dinh, and Allen has a dog named Mimi who had puppies who he named after me, Mimi!(nothings wrong with the name Mimi though, it’s cute actually) So I just decided to just start introducing myself as Mina, but I will never leave behind Mimi, I’ll never forget her. Mimi is a part of me, and she holds memories of the greatest and worst times of my short almost 18 years of life. And people who still call me Mimi is very warming to me because it means they’re close to me, closer than anybody else who calls me Mina(sometimes). So what I’m saying is, Mimi was just a phase in my life that I very much appreciate, but from now on, you can call me Mina :)

He dresses like a douchebag

2010-09-06T15:53:00.000-07:00

Looks like a douchebag, acts like a douchebag, keyword, is a douchebag.

And you all up on him, sprung like your tongue is on lockdown, down his artificial heart, and girl, I thought you were smart. Don’t play those game if you ain’t got the right cards, cause he has the gold and the absolute maze, what’s worth the take down? It’s all a haze, taken like a lost game of Tekken. He isn’t the right FIDM, it’s all out of JDM and hype just to fit in. Self-centered little bastard, always on others fast lane always on the wrong train. Voice like Brackins, lookin hella dumb officially body on numb, can’t write the let downs, academic skills in the trash wasted on crack, that’s gunna make you melt now?! Wasted on a life game thinking he’s the illest. Now she’s got a fever, she’s all fast paced. Disease type: dumbass. Her type: Douchebag. Think twice now Lydia before he kills it. Let’s end this.

Homie Hoppin

2010-08-08T19:41:00.001-07:00

You notice those girls? You know, beautiful, chill, something intresting, you just want to befriend her. But you realize, that most of her homies are dudes! Man, now there’s something up. Does she “hoe around”? Well, when you run into these type of girls, there are two likely possibilities. The first possibility that pops up into your head is that she must “hoe around” which is most likely true. The only reason why a majority of her friends are guys is because she is linked to them by being their ex, or someone she use to talk. Now techinically hoeing around means sleeping around with them, but we just say hoe around cause well…. it’s an easy term to use. Hopefully she isn’t sleeping around. It’d be stupid for those group of guy friends to go after the same girl, I mean, if your homies are done with her, then there’s obviously something wrong with her, so why go after her? Stupid really. The second possibility, and the reason why it would never be the first to pop up into your head, is because it’s rare to find a girl who is just friends with all of them! Really, it’s rare to just find a girl who is usually the only female in her group of friends who is just friends with them. It’s nice when you find a girl like that, cause she has perspectives of a man, but instincts of a woman if you catch my drift. Plus the guys respect her, some may like her, but at least she is still respected. And I’m not saying that it’s not okay to like one of your guy friends more than a friend, but as long as you don’t “hoe around”. My point is, homie hoppers aren’t cool. Peace!

Taking Away a Peice of my Heart

2010-08-04T21:01:00.000-07:00

I was in the 5th grade, a child still. You know, at that age, you always look for a furry friend, me and my brother always wanted a dog. One day we come home and see my dad hovering over a black milk cage thingy, and we hear whimpering. We peer inside to see a tiny brown furball scared and tired, like he just woke up or something. Do you know what it was? It was a puppy! We picked him up right away and started playing with him. Although he was shy, we tried to make him at home. He was a terrior, so we thought the name Scott suited him well, but my mom thought we said Scar, so she named him Simba! :) She also named him Simba because he looks like a lion, gRRRR! He responds to Doidle, Simbers, and the smell of food! He once did a backflip off my lap, sounds unrealistic? Yes, but it’s a true story, and when he backflipped, he sounded like a cat and letted out a meow. Unrealistc, but a true story! I remember how tiny he was when he was a puppy, so small he could fit my 12 year old lap. I loved him, he made me so happy, he was my company. He use to wake me up every morning, open my door and plop right onto my bed or sometimes he would lick my face and chew on my blanket. One time when we were away, he broke his ankle and we had to take him to the vet. He stayed over night and a few more days cause we went on vacation. When we went back to the vet, the vet told us that he was annoying and that he kept crying. Proves to us that Simba loves and misses us. Ohhhh how Simba hated showers and how’d he hated that we’d spank him when he would use pody on our floors when he knew better.

Because he wasn’t pody trained, my parents got tired and fed up with him. That’s when Simba became an outside dog. Me and brother fought for Simba to be an inside dog, but we lost. We had a big backyard, with a swing set, rope trees, peach trees, and a pool! Simba loved the backyard, but being an outside dog made him a bad boy. He use to be able to greet our guests with a wagging tail and a smile, now he just barks barks and barks. We use to be able to walk him without a leash, now we have to because he’d run away and we’d have to run after him. He likes to dig holes until he gets to the cold soil of the Earth, then he would lay down and sleep. He loves belly rubs and toys to play with, or at least use it as a sex buddy. When we were kids, me and my brother would record people’s reaction passing by my dog when he would hump his toys, oh the countless faces! It amused us so :)

I guess when I started growing up, I drifted away from Simba. I hardly played with him. The only time I was around him was to feed him, shower him, and walk him. And give him a little pat on the head and tiny belly rubs then I’d leave and run off and do my own thing. My brother always got mad when I didn’t play with him, telling me that I wasn’t showing him love. I haven’t played with my dog with love for about years now, maybe 5 or 4 years. And now I regret it. Wanna know why? Because I’m moving into a new apartment. It’s $400 just to keep him, so we decided to give him away. But I didn’t know that they would take him away from us so soon, see cause we’re moving in a month, not anytime soon. So last night, my brother and my dad left to Bakersfield without telling me to give him to his new owners who I don’t even know! I mean it’s soon, we’re not moving for another month! alseefh ioahf
I didn’t get to say bye to my dog, hold him tight, play with him for the last time. Give him his favorite food. To make sure to tell his new owners how to take care of him. I thought about how I’m going to miss his annoying barking that wakes me up every morning, how I’m going to miss the way he greets me when I get home from school, and his stupid puppy face everytime he sees me eating around him. I’m going to miss him sooo much. I’m going to miss your beautiful brown curly hair, you’re beautiful brown hazel eyes, and your cute whimpers! I hate how I didn’t get to say good bye, I hate it so much. I hate how I didn’t get to hold and play with you for one last time. I miss you already I’ve already cried a river =/ I hope you remember me everytime I visit. The only last memory I have of you is pictures of when you were a puppy and you’re favorite toy. I will take care of your dinosour for you, I love you Simba<3

Unpyrospoken

2010-07-08T20:56:00.000-07:00

Check 1, 2, 3. Little miss sitting at the desk, little miss on the desk, pen and paper in handcrafted wonders called her little miss hands. Little miss stuck, writers block on the clock, what she’s trying to convey? Is it that hard to say? Little Miss May was her name, words were what she tried to tame. Little miss confused, words under breathe. Ignited little pyro, writing under thunder, words caress her breathe. Children of the Earth- Ayur. Unspoken words, stripped to undress. Little miss stressed what chu trying to address? My million, my unbridged unspoken words, unthought of, unstructured, out of line, little miss can’t speak, little miss click that backspace. Little miss erase…

Golden Watches

2010-06-20T22:49:00.001-07:00

Breaking necks on the daily, girl you’re a beauty. Reminiscing of the day you pass them buy with the aroma of your essence, in remembrance to your physical beauty. Diamonds and pearls, diamonds and pearls, what can embrace your attention? A smile full of deceiving BS? A woman full of golden pockets of a man’s? Baby girl, tell them your intentions. You intertwine words with lies, lies with pleasure, pleasure with emotions, their emotions. Girl, you dirty. Cross your fingers, he knows your game. He knows he’s next. You ain’t fooling nobody now are you now? He’s got gold and watches, golden games and watches, golden knowledge and watches. He’s got the time to play a playa, to play a girl, to play you little Miss….. Bite your lips, he’s gunna take you down. He’s playing your game, he has your medicine, he has the cure, but there’s no cure for you until the game is done. Bite your lips, bite them and let them tears down. Let them tears down, every heart you’ve broken wants to see you in pain. They all want to see you in pain, and they’re thanking this man.

Drift through my town

2010-06-18T18:54:00.000-07:00

I’ve drifted away from a lot of people, but it’s mainly because I wanted to drift away from them. Why do I want to stick around with people who just keep messing up? Screwing me over, and mostly screwing themselves over? I was just tired of watching everything relapsing and irresponsible actions. None of the actions were rather my fault, but it just hurts watching what was going behind every single scene. It just really hurts me, cause watching my friends get stabbed is like stabbing me in the back, and I couldn’t do anything about it, I couldn’t. Most of all, watching others disregard various of things. Sometimes, I ask myself why so much, why?

I don’t care for a lot of things, which is true, I don’t, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate many things. I’ve been told once through my mistakes that I am apart of this society, this certain community, and that I should just put up with it cause I take part in this action, in this society. When I was told this, it felt like the person was making me feel obligated to do this command, which I was obviously oblivious to. Why should I be forced to like and cooperate with something that I don’t like? I can say I dislike this town and people can disregard and put in their own perspective and defend this town, but you know what? Just cause I don’t like something, it doesn’t mean you have to agree with me. Of course I expect different opinions, we all have different opinions, and apparently I can’t have mines. Just saying, it always feels like I can’t even have my own voice in any say of any matter.

So I watch people make mistakes, I don’t hold anybody’s hands, but does that mean I don’t care? No, it doesn’t. Me, as a person in your life, will still be there for you, I never wanted to be a good friend therefor I tend to not get close to anybody. I’ll share laughters, smiles, tears, memories, adventures, and all that other jolly swell time, yeah, but I don’t want to be inclined to the title of a best friend anymore, a close friend okay, a friend okay, but nothing more. I don’t want to be apart of another large group of friends because I rather not experience the old process (paragraph 1). I understand that no matter where I live, no matter what town I’ll reside in, there will always be someone with the same kind of personality as my old town, if you get what I mean. But the reason why I want to get out of here, this town, is to start fresh, brand new. I’m just tired here, tired and uninspired as cliche as that sounds, but it’s true. I know that nothing will be perfect, I don’t care for my future bumps, I don’t care if history repeats it’s course for me, as long as I’m brand new and fresh.

But wait, I’m not finished. This town? This town has taught me so much these past few years. The people here taught me new things, created adventures with me. The people here are all like a family, the people here in this town. There are still some people with hands and hearts that I can still trust and hold, there are people here that do truly mean so much to me. I don’t always focus on the negative things (but this post is mainly about the negative things). The people here, we’re not all bad and this town offers so much.

So this is why I don’t care for many things now at my current state of mind. I don’t care for any social drama of the matter, any mishaps and mistakes of others, etc. I don’t care about people’s comments about me, negative or positive(kind of a lie, but a majority of the times I just don’t care). I just really don’t care, but as I said, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate many things. This is why I decided to let go of people, to drift away from them, because there’s no effort in anything anymore, also because of paragraphs 1-2.

If you read this…. wow, this probably makes no sense to you.

"Our Day"

2010-05-15T16:04:00.001-07:00

Can we have a day where it's just the two of us roaming around town endlessly? As I watch your pretty face make epic emotions to everything that the atmosphere has to offer? Can we ride our bikes together as the sunsets enjoying these city lights? And make our own city night life? Night skies, bright stars, shining beauty of that charisma you present so well that daggers my heart with million of butterflies cause my stomach you see is too full with them it rises to my chest as you keep me fuzzie in the heart, warm in the soul. See I smile cause of you. I hear the ocean waves and we end our night here, but not completely. On the way home I sit and hold your hands, talk to you for four hours long. I know I’m exaggerating, but I wish these seconds we spend together felt like forever, creating this infinity. Cause when we’re close, and your skin touches my skin, laying on this couch, feeling like I’m at ease, like I’m at home, running Pixar marathons, watching these cartoons, I feel……. amazing :) And we laugh together like silly children. The silly school children we use to be. You make me feel young again, and I wonder if I could ever grow old with you?

Cherished Friendships

2010-04-24T18:52:00.000-07:00

There’s always going to be that someone in your life that will teach you how to be yourself. That someone who’s going to open your eyes and broaden your horizons to a more vivid mindset. This person you see here, this young man, this young gentlemen you see here, his name is Carl Ash Tan- Arriola, some of you guys may know him as KaioARMADA. This intelligent, talented, caring man here has made me, Mina Sora Soukantouy, into something I’d never thought I’d transform myself into. He’s molded me into a person I’d never thought I’d be. Our friendship is something I cherish dearly, he had been my best friend since the 8th grade. All though ties have been cut, and we have drifted in a sense, we are still very close no matter how many times we butt heads and hurt each other. Cause deep down, it’s all out of love and care. The things we have taught each other, the road we have both traveled down, and most importantly, the adventures we have created well always be embedded in my heart and mind. Thank you Carl, for helping me through everything, for always trying to be the great supportive friend you are. I just want to thank you for everything. You are an amazing person, and I know you know that :)

White Noise

2010-04-08T18:35:00.001-07:00

It was like the old times, when we barely knew of each other. Only a few glances of shots upon each other to decipher our very own existence. To hear so little of you. Didn’t really matter due to the fact that we were just strangers. The introduction in white noise I can barely remember our first Hello. I can hardly remember us, I can barely remember what went wrong. I even forgot that there was a us. Reality shocked me and I stood there hoping for another storyline. But then our reality bit me and toke in some more shock into my system. Nothing matters and nothing is there after it all. To me, it was like the old days, the old times before there was a us. It felt exactly like it all over again meeting your eyes once more…

2.21.2010 Private Blog Release

Games

2010-04-06T15:10:00.000-07:00

Ewww you have cooties, girls girls girls, boys boys boys. If I had a chance to play tag once more, I’d love to see who’s it. Things were placed right in front of you as a child. Now that you’re grown games get harder. Hide and seek is now known as playing hard to get or one person is waiting for you to seek them as they are hiding, but you know what, as the game grows, we become too blind to notice the things the other person wants us to grasp. We’re hiding, too scared to be noticed as fools chasing after you, but I’m giving you signs, seek me, seek me. When I was a kid, I could have found you in all the right places at all the right time. Tag, I’m chasing you, I’m chasing you! You’re it, your mines! I once said that as a kid. Now I am grown, I’m chasing you, I’m chasing you,…… now there’s things in the way, I’m falling, and I can’t get you it. Tag has gotten more difficult. I wouldn’t know where to go from here….

Games you amaze me. You once had my chest pumpin with adrenaline, now you got weights on my chest, heavy heavy weights….

Photo Blog Entry #2

2010-03-30T20:28:00.000-07:00

Last week or two weeks ago I believe me and my friends Quincy and Carl went to the river. Of course me and Quincy being the models and Carl the photographer

The beauty that photography can capture :) But the truth be told, me and Quincy were just modeling for the picture =/

Photo Blog Entry #1

2010-03-30T20:18:00.001-07:00

2.28.2010 Wek Fest

I really don't understand how you guys can do this photo blog on blogspot with all the html and all that coding and editing you gotta do man. Tumblr ftw for having that all set for ya, LOL. Anyways, went to SF for Wek Fest. If you wanna know more about my trip in SF in more details, just use the search engine on my tumblr and type in Wek Fest :)

Ate at Benihana for Japantown.... I'll tell you this, don't go there =X

Finally, it was a long ass line!

I lol'd at this soooo hard when I saw it haha xDDD

Then we went to Ocean Beach and had a bonfire! :D

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward

2010-03-28T19:56:00.001-07:00

So many times after accidents, mistakes, events; so many times after pure joys and smiles and chances, after collisions of good hopes and broken dreams the truth prevails. Stories begin to unravel, then we feed off what we know in desire to something we wish we knew before the occurrence. We become desperate to find the answer of why things happen the way they do, and when we find the meaning, we still live only to learn from mistakes. If we lived day by day knowing the story line there wouldn’t be something worth waiting for, we wouldn’t have expectations and life would be perfect cause we can make things happen, prevent things, use time wisely. So if we lived life backwards there would be no adventures, no unexpected vibes, no living in the moment typa thing. We have to live life the way we do now, we need to stop all the wishful thinking because this is how life works. You build yourself up for what time has to offer, and if we screw over, fuck it you know? Take the adrenaline. You still have a lot more time to waste, it’s the only way we can understand, to just understand.

No one is the next Nujabes

2010-03-28T19:55:00.003-07:00

If you listen to Nomak, Ruto, Kondor, Ayur, Emancipator, Himuki, Uyama Hiroto, and any other artists that is relevant, please do not say that they are the next Nujabes. Each artist is their own individual with their own unique style and flavor. Each artist is inspired by one another, complimenting each other’s taste. Don’t be ignorant and be like this guy stole Nujabes vibe, no, it’s not like that at all. All these artists built themselves up, no one jocked anyone and no one’s taking over anyone. Respect the music they make and don’t hate just because they sound like Nujabes. I’m just here to say, respect the artists, respect.

I have all guy friends

2010-03-21T16:13:00.001-07:00

Girls admit that girls are ridiculously hard to be friends with, girls understand that girls are bitches, etc. But girls don’t see what a girl can be as a person. Females who often have all guy friends are often blinded by their own gender. Sure, you can be the only girl in a group and I’ve met plenty of girls like that. Girls like these don’t open themselves a lot to a majority of girls, some, but not all. I often see that chances aren’t given easily, they’re really judgmental, and are easily in denial. They often stand out as the independent type, but too independent to the point some have the fuck it mentality. Just because you mainly kick it with guys doesn’t automatically give you cool points. In a sense, girls like these often contradict themselves, implying the name bitch, etc. to themselves that they refer to other girls. It’s like a constant cycle, no wonder why we can’t get along, we’re damn right blinded with ignorance in this cycle.

Weather

2010-03-21T16:10:00.001-07:00

Living coast to coast, coastin, state to state, the states to Canada, I’ve survived many storms. From earthquakes, floods, tornadoes, and hurricanes. I’m surprised I’ve lived through them all. I remember when I lived in Ohio, I was only 9 or 10, I was at my cousin Keochai’s house and there was a tornado warning. We had three families of 5 in that house, so that makes 15 individuals, and his basement was really small, like really small! We had to cramp in there. After the tornado passed, I remember all the kids ran out and it was raining. There was no major damage, and it was just about time when fireflies began to come out. The memory is still so vivid to me, I remember it like it was yesterday. Blowing bubbles, riding bikes, kids catching fireflies putting them into jars, and adults helping clean up the town.

I remember a summer trip when I was 12 to Tampa Bay, Florida. This was some time after Hurricane Ivan I think, but we just arrived town and near my relative’s house. You know, back then we didn’t have cell phones and we were on a cross country road trip, so we couldn’t really keep up to date with the weather. We drove through the hurricane like nothing! And toke shelter right away! Man, it’s a good thing we weren’t in the body! That vacation paid off! Man oh man, do I miss Florida<3

As for floods, the deepest flood I’ve experienced was probably up to my knees and I’m a Cali girl, earthquakes on the daily. JK haha. Earthquakes haven’t really been a problem to me yet *knocks on wood.

Forget the Meaning

2010-03-21T16:00:00.001-07:00

The world have might told you once before to not judge a person by it’s cover but it’s intentions, but the world will tell you to not assume a person’s intentions. Well being from a person’s interest to personal habits and life styles. Watch a person shift from here to there, but a person wouldn’t really know their story until stepped into their lives. People sometimes forget the meaning, but we often come to realization of a a person’s true nature.

http://hellominatkyo.tumblr.com/post/406444922/forget-the-meaning

One Missed Call

2010-03-21T15:57:00.000-07:00

If you guys didn’t know, me and my mother have a connection in our sleep. Based upon dreams and supernatural causing we have yet seen a monk although I have been exorcist(buddhist style). Last night my mother walked into my room at 4 a.m. I guess she thought I was still out or something. I get up for breakfast before she left for work. She told me she had a missed call, from an unknown number and that they left her a voicemail. I listened to it and it was playing some music, first underground rnb for a good 30 seconds then it switched off to kpop. Then white noise came up and I heard a girl screaming for her mother in laotion, only in my voice. Not only did before my mother walked into my room at 4, I was dieing in my dream. And in my dreams for the past week I have been kidnapped or hurt mentally, but I really don’t think this means anything. Me and my mother have a weird connection, it’s science I’m telling you. Reminds me of The Unborn, Jumby wants to be born! Ohhh shiettt nigga!

I don’t respect what you wear. I respect your vibe.

2010-03-21T15:56:00.003-07:00

Heart Rage

2010-03-21T15:48:00.000-07:00

You know how out of no where, your body just surprisingly attacks you. Like, it always just seems to happen out of a sudden blue. It’s that feeling when you feel all your blood pressure rise up to your chest to your heart, like everything just went to your heart. There are a few ways to feel this:

* Happy Surprises: When you least expect something and someone surprises you, per say, surprise birthday parties, surprise 4 month anniversary gifts, better yet, when someone you’d least expect to ask you to be their valentine. It’s just like wow, you get all giddy and happy and everything just goes to your chest and you eeeeepppp!!! One of the best feelings ever in the heart right?
* Sad Attacks: This is one of the worse feelings ever through personal experiences. It’s just, it hurts, all the feelings just rises up flowing from your body to your chest, and attacks your heart. It hurts a lot, depending on the situation of why you feel that way I guess. I mean some scenarios are:

- When you like/love someone and you see them with another person. It only hurts because you’re just not over them.

- Finding out you’re parents or a couple you care about is getting a divorce or breaking up.

- Knowing you’re being lied to by someone you truly truly care about.

- When you can predict something that you know will have a very bad outcome.

And all these other possibilities to feel this way. I just felt like sharing this because lately, my hearts been being a bitch to me =/

orginal post: http://hellominatkyo.tumblr.com/post/381005711/heart-rage

Secret

2010-03-21T15:47:00.000-07:00

I cannot cut all ties with a person at all. Even if me and that person aren’t on good terms, I just can’t seem to just let them go. Only because they were a part of my life at one point of time and they affected me in some way, good or bad. Especially men of my past. If I haven’t contacted an old friend for months or years, I’ll take a time out of my life and just call them up and see how they’re doing.

On another note, me and a person can really not get a long, but I will never ever cut all ties with them. I just can’t seem to do it….

I honestly don't care about you

2010-03-21T15:46:00.001-07:00

Anybody who thinks that is stupid. Of course I care, even if were on good or bad terms. IDGAF, I still care about you as a person and this goes out to everybody I know, have met, strangers, etc.

original post: http://hellominatkyo.tumblr.com/post/375267468/i-honestly-dont-care-about-you

Child, you are never to be seen

2010-03-21T15:44:00.003-07:00

All the senses that people wish they could see in a person. All the equality that we wish the world had. All the thoughts we wish to be revealed. I am the one to never be seen, heard, or spoken of. I am the left behind child that no one had ever cared for. They left me down the road like I was nothing, like I was never apart of their life. How we all chase papers, when I only see false paper hearts with no heartbeat, there’s no line, no rhythm in life to be understood in my eyes ever again. I let things flow in hopes to be seen to society’s eyes again, to the people I care for again, to feel the feeling love once again….

original post: http://hellominatkyo.tumblr.com/post/375000306/child-you-are-never-to-be-seen

Our Family

2010-03-21T15:44:00.001-07:00

I know I am selfish, and I lost respect in the family, and I don’t do anything around the house, but please don’t hold that against me. I am gradually changing and trying to put my place back in the family. I am sorry for the hurt I have caused, the tears I could have prevented and the things I did to hurt this family financially. Like I said, I’m gradually changing. I realized that I am not the best daughter and I am a fucked up individual. I love this family more than this family realizes. I want to make things better, better for me, and us.

Oh Sister of Mines.

2010-03-21T15:43:00.000-07:00

Last nights dream is the only dream I can emotionally relate to. It involved me and my sister. If you knew us, you’d know that me and her don’t get along. I honestly don’t think we get along because of certain things. Let me tell you a theory I have of my sister. We grew up with T.V., you know, those t.v. shows were siblings hate on each other like Even Stevens, and Lizzie McGuire. So I guess she has that, I hate my sister/brother mentality just cause.

I really don’t understand her. She’s selfish and a brainwasher. Not really selfish, of course she loves the family, but when it comes to me, shes most definitely selfish. I’m not gunna lie, my sister inspired me to do many things. Like drawing and art. Because of her, I would have never started drawing and joined art, although I’m not gunna lie, I think I’m better than her LOL But anything she does, she doesn’t want me to do. She always claimed me of stealing things she loved to do. I really didn’t steal anything from you, you just opened a new door for me really. As for brainwashing, she washes my mother’s mind like nothing. She always turns the family against me, just telling them complete bullshit just so they can be on her side and get what she wants, and it really pisses me off. The things that go on with my family because of her. She makes me feel unwanted, she says the most hurtful unhumane things to me to. Like “Get out of here, no one likes you”. That’s no exaggeration either, she really does say that. And my given househould name for her is “ugly” yes, she calls me “Ugly”. She threats and uses me like a dog. If I don’t do a simple task she asks me to do, she’ll use something against me like a threat. Is that really necessary sister, really?? A threat?? She uses me for the most simplest stuff too. I admitt, I am a lazy ass girl when I’m at home, but she can get lazy too, and it pisses me off how she uses me for something simple she can do herself. But hey, I live with it.

I’d have to say, she’s really immature when we’re in public. I mean we go to the same school and we have some mutual friends. Like say we’re on campus, and we shoot once glance at each other, she’ll make a dirty face, stick out her tongue, or say soemthing rude like “omfg, get out of here” “get out of here no one likes you” “go away ugly” Real talk, she really does say things like that, no exaggeration! And if our friends are holding something together, she wants me in no distance near her at all, she doesn’t want me near her in general. I think this is really immature.

People always play favorites with me and sister too, and guess what?? Yehpp, she’s the favorite. Whenever something goes down, no one bothers to hear my side of the story, and I don’t even bother telling it cause everyone would rather much pay attention to her. And when she talks to me, most of things she thinks about me are through assumptions, she really doesn’t know me! I hate it when she talks about me, cause… that’s why people don’t like me. I admit, I let it slip when it comes to family comparison, because she is the better daughter. I mean, she has a great GPA, colleges already accept her, she’s prettier than me, she’s always studying even on a Friday and Sat. night. IDK, I just really hate this part of our relationship, because of the playing favorites part that is.

Anyways, in my dream last night, I was talking to my sister and I think we were in college, and I told her all of these things, everything I just wrote I expressed to her and I broke out into tears at the end. I was holding a dog too. The last things I said was “How do you know, when you didn’t even try to love me?!” Well, it was something like that. And you know what her reaction was?? Nothing… she just rolled her eyes, all the things I said and she becomes so heartless, not even hearing me out! And it hurts, idk

And sister if you are reading this now, I can most like predict your reaction, heh

original post: http://hellominatkyo.tumblr.com/post/374689902/donna-soukantouy

I Can Handle the Truth

2010-03-21T15:33:00.000-07:00

Paranoia. It’s not paranoia that gets me, it’s just a gut feeling that there’s something more. I rather people tell me truths than lies, than white lies, or the truth without the whole truth. I mean, when it comes to something big, I rather someone be honest with me. I mean yeah, it’ll get me, but I can handle the truth, I honestly really can handle the truth. Cause when something is hidden or missing I tend to worry, so when you tell me it’s the truth, reassure it to me that is the truth, please. Give me the real reasoning to why you did what you did, and why you did it, etc. It hurts knowing that there could be something more…..

original post: http://hellominatkyo.tumblr.com/post/360438579/i-can-handle-the-truth

IDK

2010-03-21T15:32:00.001-07:00

The flow is gone. The beat is empty. The melody is elsewhere in a land untold. Spoken words are hidden and thoughts are unrevealed. How things can be blinded behind a mask. And if you toke the time out, I could tell you a story. I’d tell you the story of our use to be flows of feelings, our use to be beating hearts, our use to be melodies we’d sing together in our own land…. Where everything could be shown and where we knew where everything stood for once like how we knew it.

http://hellominatkyo.tumblr.com/post/357217425/the-flow-is-gone-the-beat-is-empty-the-melody-is

Weird Dreams: Gundams x Scooby- Doo

2010-03-21T15:18:00.001-07:00

GUNDAM LV!

So like there’s someone in a Gundam and me and this guy is flying around it, next thing you know a big ass asteroid, star, meteorite?! Something was falling from the sky! It was a big ball of orange light! So the Gundam gave me and the guy a command and we morphed into some epic fighting outfit! Then I can see Earth in it’s sphereical shape! Then me, the guy, and the Gundam fall into Earth’s ocean! And we splash into the water! AND BAYUM! everything was JUST FUCKIN EPICCCC!!!!!!! Water bubbles! Big pretty lights! It’s light energy rays flowing through the water! OMFGG!!! IDK how to describe it! The water scene was SOOOOOOOOOO beautiful BEAUTIFULLL!!!s dfiasdhgkajerghadjkg!! @__________@

FIGHTINGGG SCARY MOVIE?!

My bus is usually always one of the first buses to arrive and my school doesn’t have benches but i was laying on a bench upside down and my legs were facing up?? IDK how to describe it haha. Then Kaio and Stephanie, the mexican one, come up to me and yeah yeah. I head to the locker room and for some odd reason, i wanted to shower! 30 minutes before the bell rang for school! And for some odd reason, people were waxing their legs and arms, weird ass dream! So I head to the locker room and i’m like fuck, it’s dark, lights are blinking on and off, rusty ass locker room, and everything was just like scary movie kind of mind fuck! I walk back and I run into Kainoa and some other people and Kai was like we need to get out of here. I’m like wtf?! We walk into a computer room and we hear a computer go off with some beeping sounds. And I see this professor. I turn around and I see like some creepy ass thing! If you’ve seen scooby-doo and you know that monster that comes out of the sea with an axe and wears this head gear shit, then you know what I’m talking about. I get my body into action mood then this part of the dream ended.

original post: http://hellominatkyo.tumblr.com/post/351159232/weird-dreams-gundams-x-scooby-doo

It’s okay to not deny, cause it’s even worse when you deny it when you see it coming.

2010-03-21T15:16:00.001-07:00

For once, someone who said this and understood what I feel other than people telling me to keep my chin up(btw, i do appreciate). Thank you my koala brother Quincy Riker

Force of Habit

2010-03-21T15:14:00.001-07:00

force of habit fighting with my best friend

force of habit from taking somebodys downfall

force of habit for letting people pull bullshit moves on me

force of habit for letting people win

force of habit for keeping myself quiet and never letting myself explain myself

force of habit comparing myself to something that makes me feel like shit

force of habit worrying and trying to stay to someone so dear

force of habit of giving you daily reminders

force of habit of always trying to runaway

force of habit for always trying to look for an adventure

force of habit going to bed reminiscing

force of habit of everything in my life in general

everythings a mina damned well force of habit! why the akfj dsaf damn mina do i do this mina?! why the damn mina?! so much force of habits! this, that, stop, this, that, stop, this, that, stop everything! i drop the glass ball and no one looks or seems to care and i spread out every shard for the world to see but no one see’s. it’s not like i want to scream it out, i just want to understand. i try to open my eyes, i see nothings i wrong, but i know somethings wrong, i know im doing something wrong. im opeining my eyes, trust me world, but i see nothing. and im tired and i feel caged within my own body living in an environment i dont belong. my soul needs a place that it can call home…..

original post: http://hellominatkyo.tumblr.com/post/343866402/force-of-habit

My Paranormal Activity

2010-01-11T20:00:00.001-08:00

read this to understand: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/154401930/my-nightmares-physic

A few days ago I was in the bathroom just getting ready to go out, I was wearing a tank top at the time and I suddenly feel wind over my right arm and my bag has ribbons on it and the wind moved the lose thread. I looked up and I was like oh, it’s the AC, but I was still kinda freaked out anyways.

So last night Joe Anna slept over. I don’t know what time it was but you know that feeling where someone’s really close to your face and your life wtf?! Back off niggaaa!! But yeah, I thought Joe Anna was close to my face and I wake up, She’s a few feet away and i was like hrmmm, I didn’t think anything of it. So 4 am passes by and BOOMMMM!!! Something falls off my book shelf, sounded like breaking glasses. Me and Joe Anna are like WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK?!?!?! I admit, we were both too pussy to check it out and we had another hour of sleep before the alarm clock goes off. So I check it in the morning, but I was paranoid that something was watching me so I just made it look like I was cleaning up, but I also toke a quick examination, scan, whatever. So the whole day at school I was like fuck fuck fuck, think about my haunting past and now this is happening.

So let me tell you the things in order that were next to each. Jones Soda bottle, a compact mirror, a box, a cup on top of the box, a flyer and plus doll next to it, and a plate of thumb tacks. The Jones Soda bottle fell forward so did the mirror, but the mirror snapped off. It couldn’t have snapped off without force,… so I think. The flyer and plush toy was tilted to the right and the thumbtacks fell a few feet to the right, a little farther away than the j.s. bottle. The only strange thing that stood out to me was that the box and cup was in place, it did not move from it’s spot. So the whole time I’m thinking, why did the bottle and mirror fall forward and everything else to the right, and I only heard one collision?? And how does the box and cup stay in place?? The sound of one collision made me wonder, what kind of force it toke for it to knock it down or whatever happened. I’ve thought of mices, but i wasn’t sure, I didn’t want to think!

I come home to examine it again, to find out that I didn’t scan it good, I mean, I did only take a quick look in the morning. It seems that the box and cup to move a little bit, but the source of force… WHAT THE FUCKKK?!?!

MOMMY LET ME SLEEP WITH YOU TONIGHTTT!!! D:<

DADDY COME HOMEEEEE!!! T^T

FUCK THIS SHITTT!! BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! DDDD:

k, im good -______-“

peace<3

P.S. Fuck you guys for taking me to go watch the unborn, and paranormal activity. YOU GUYS KNOW I CANT HANDLE SUPERNATURAL SHIETTTTT!! D:<

and if i have too many typos i am to paranoid and pussy to read it…. yehhh….

*adds 3 more buddhist neckalce to her neck

>.<

"I am Only Human"

2010-01-11T19:59:00.001-08:00

Growing up with different environments, I’ve learned to adapt to many atmospheres that’s created around me. The people revolved in the world I live in are all different in my perspective. The phrase, “I am only human” only makes 50/50 sense to me. I’ve observed many types of personality, and even though some people’s characteristics have flaws, I try to find a good view in that person. In all living human beings, we all have feelings, I mean we all feel, don’t we?? We all dream and we all have a point in life where we realize what we’re good for. A majority of us have a passion to strive for or find a good reason to be living. Thus again, we give our own definition of our own “circle of life” and don’t forget that we are a part of the circle of life, we breathe, we eat, we live, we shower(I hope), we’re human. But you know what?? A lot of human’s also make decisions on a daily basis, what we do on a daily basis effects us in even the littlest most details. Yes, we all feel, but it could also be negative feelings. Failure to too see the many things that are thrown at us in life means we also create flaws in life. No matter what the situation maybe, I atleast want a person to have a good reasoning to understand why these life events happen to them either it be man vs. man, man vs. self, man vs. whatever your going against. A question or statement of how things went wrong, why it wrong, eye-to-eye understanding, and different views of perspectives. Now your outcome or solution may not turn out great but at least know that it won’t bother you in the future cause you handled business. If you leave things alone, which is fine, you can still have thoughts about it, thoughts that could haunt you, especially to those who can’t let go of things easily. Handle things on a good note, then I’m happy for you.

So the phrase “I am only human” being used as an excuse for your flaws does not cut it for me. Being human is not a good excuse for a failure or done damage. Like say, for a scenario, a girl cheats on a guy, “im only human”. What are you trying to say?? Not everybody cheats on their significant other. This person was unfaithful bestowed upon her own character and her unfaithful thoughts. “I cheated on my test, I am only human”, that’s not being human, some people manage to work for what they deserve. “I’m fat, I’m only human”, not to sound mean or anything, but the person most likely saying this is too ignorant to understand what their doing to themsevles. It is not the fact that they are human so they just end up being fat, no, no bueno!

“He broke up with me, so I’m crying” : “It’s okay, you’re only human, cry it out babygirl” See that?? “I’m so happy, I want to tell the world how happy I am!” : “You make life seem so beautiful” : “I’m only human, I make the best of what I can make my life to be” Did you see that?? These kind of scenarios I understand for using such a phrase.

Do you understand what I’m trying to say?? If you do, you could atleast understand why the phrase “I am only human” only makes 50/50 sense to me.

Teeth Structure

2010-01-11T19:56:00.001-08:00

Man, i’m not gunna lie, teeth is a big thing for me, that’s one of the only things I judge on a person’s physical appearance. I like nice smiles, either it be straight or a cute kind of crooked that suites that person. But if it’s all bad, then no bueno ~_~ I also can not, i can not stand so much plaque! I mean, i feel like getting a toothbrush and just brushing they’re teeth! >_< BLAH! And when they have too much gum showing and not enough teeth, you know what I mean?? Eh. If you have nice white teeth, then that’s a bonus! :D Well idk O_O K, bye! :P

Lifeless Re-Runs

2010-01-11T19:53:00.000-08:00

The title of this post is just a joke, nothing is on repeat, other than something going forward with a de ja vu. Doesn’t make sense?? You can suck it :)

Anyways, I had a dream last night. I was in my room, not my room room, but my old room from my old house from when I use to live with my uncle in so cal. I woke up and blankets are set out, it looked like everyone was out of bed and I just woke up and I see my friend Allen next to me sort of. He was rummaging through his backpack and there’s like a sky window above him, like you know a big ass window on the ceiling! The clouds were beautiful and the clouds were pink! And Allen looked cool from where I was laying down in my dream. So I grab my phone and im like “Day 12” *snaps photo of Allen and Allen was like “goodmorning :) ” I guess I decided to do the project 365 thing O_O Yeah, and I can’t remember what else what happened, but it wasn’t good, it was all bad! I was like omfg i’m dying! It was eery?? Idk -____-” I know i want to remember this dream though =/

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/320621321/lifeless-re-runs

I'm jelous of

2010-01-11T19:51:00.001-08:00

Friends who do everything together, even though they may have problems, they’ll always be chill

Friends who show their timeless adventures together through pictures and videos and are always down for new doors

I really don’t have friends like this, sometimes, I feel as if the people I call are friends are just acquaintances in life. I know people aren’t there for me anymore, but I really wish i had friends like this. The ones that SHOW appreciation =/

Jan 5, 2010

2009 Outline Overview

2009-12-31T14:52:00.000-08:00

Started my 2009 New Year’s eves with Ian and Kevin, seems like theyre in town for 2010 as well :) I guess i can call them my new years buddyyyy ^___^ Anyways, here is my 2009.

January through Spring: Always kickin it with my three fav boys, Carl, Ronnie, and Leo. Ronnie has just recently started the fire academy along the lines with a new girlfriend and her group of friends. So the year started off pretty chill, things got good later in Spring Break. I met unforgettable people such as a really amazing person named Allen, and Steve. For spring break, toke a roadtrip down south to L.A. and Santa Monica, all though some things did fuck up, it was a really nice experience, regarless of everybodys hangover LOL.Plus, I experienced a lot of things, went out a lot and just had a fun time with friends that i’ll never forget fer sure!

Academic wise, the ending of my sophmore year was aiight, I can’t really remember my grades, but eh. As long as I passed. School ground wise, I got fucked up. Someone played me, and I got framed, boys boys boys, ridiculous, no wonder why I don’t go out with anybody from school and don’t have close female friends.

Despite all the good things and weird stuff happening, I predicted how my 2009 would come out, i was pretty right! I made a timeline of when things would happen, 100% my theory, or predictions were right. They weren’t good predictions either =/

Summer: Alright, my summer. I just attended summer school and went dumb fuck blonde! Yes, i went dumb fuck blonde LMAO! It was like for a good two months though, but eh. Toke a roadtrip down to Pismo, pretty cold as hell! Wasn’t that exciting, but worth the experience<3 Kicked it with Keri a lot, went to a show with her and met some chill as people such as James Story, he’s pretty cool and talented. Also my summer consisted mostly of just kickin it with Rich and Steve. I still toke the time out to hang out with Leo and Ronnie even though things weren’t doing so good. Lollicup and some Cali breeze’ aha xD

But despite all the good things going on, I started feeling out of it. Like, things weren’t the same like how they use to. Like i said, my predictions were coming true, and I couldn’t prevent any of them from stopping and it was none of my business, but yehhh.

Fall: My Junior year started, but it started off with the wrong foot. Goes to show, perspectives are easily perceived and bias-ism takes over a majority of the things in my world. But, yeah, it doesn’t really matter. I toke my time out to see the other world’s eyes, and no one bothers to come see mines. As long as I understand myself, I am good. Didn’t take yearbook pictures, nor am I going to Senior year. My 17th birthday was pretty fucked up, I HATED it. Although, I do appreciate people who did come through, but it was just all bad. I had two parties for my birthday-ish, both didn’t go so well. I really did wish my friends realized what they did to me was pretty fucked up…. about the amusement park trip. Someday Disneyland, someday. Also, i was stuck in between the game of tug-of-war between two boys, that wasn’t really cool =/

Prediction of time line again, I had everything layed out. My timeline has ended. There was nothing to fall back on, everything was gone right before my eyes, all because of people’s selfishness and act of stupitidy and blind eyes. During this time period I was alone, and I felt hurt for the people who got Hurt and realized that even though it wasn’t my responsibility or business, I could have helped prevented it. Thank you Allen Chanthasen, you have become a big inspiration to me, and your words are kept sealed with me<3

Mid-Fall through Winter: I had set many goals to myself, goals I was pretty sure I could accomplish with the help of some people. I made it aware that I was going to need some help to accomplish my goals, but as i said, selfishness and blind eyes can’t realize, but I don’t mind. So yeah, pretty obvious a majority of my goals were not complete. People just weren’t there for me anymore and I learned that I can’t depend on anyone. Awful thing is, my family was shot in a drive by, I was home alone crying and everything just backfired and i realized that people i ever was close to was full of complete bullshit. My family was there for me twice when I needed them the most, but that just isn’t enough for me….. idk why. But yeah, did a lot of staying home, rarely went out and it felt weird. I’m the type of person who needs a fresh breathe of life. Life offers many things and I don’t ever want to take down an offer.

And I did something completely unhealthy to my memory and health, I made a blog about that, i rather not rewrite everything again in this blog entry.

Well, now it’s winter, i’ve kind of just been standing on my own. I never had high expectations from everbody, but i couldn’t imagine reality, how unhumane some people can be. But trust, they are amazing people and they showed me a world I could have never seen on my own, so there for, I could never hate them, I could never dislike them, just, never trust them or… forgive, I guess you can say that.

But, not to be corny or anything, but this is the TRUTH! I think the best part of my 2009 was meeting my boyfriend<3 I met him in the summer, but we didnt start talking to each other til like late October, or like November haha. He picked me up and saw me like no other guy has, and I happen to have fallen hard for him. I thought i was going to end my 2009 entirely single all year, but then 12.19.09 happened :) And everytime I think of Lance Benggon I completely forget everything negative and happyness and a warm feeling comes my way. The best thing that ever came out of my 2009<3 :)

2010 New Year’s Resolution: Damn right fuckin NOTHIN!!

Girl's I Know Personally

2009-12-31T14:49:00.000-08:00

In regards to the post “The Type of Girl’s I Appreiciate”, the reason why I wrote that is because it’s the quality i would like to find in a female friend indeed. All my life, a majority of my friends have been male and it’s just so difficult and rare to find a girl of that quality. Yes, they’re are girls in my life who I love such as everyday friends who I say hi and kick it with but thats just a few. I want to find a friend who I can tell stuff to, I mean, yeah, I’m willing to let her judge and tell me what she thinks and guide me and what not, but the girls I know spread false nasty rumors or just talk a whole lot of shit.

I can’t be the type of female friend that will follow your ass 24/7. I am not a clingy friend, and as you can tell, I am not a clingy person and I CANT STAND AND DO NOT like clingy people. I think it’s annoying when people have friendships that only revolve around the important members. I like having a lot of friends and enjoying company, there for, I know a lot of people. I hate it when people feel left out, I KNOW how that feels.

I also can’t stand the type of girl’s who are only being my seasonal friend just for my “image”. It’s like wtf?! You’re only my friend cause you like the way I look/dress?! And I don’t like it when girls only talk about their problems or is always having problems, I just can’t deal with that, I mean i’m willing to listen, but not all the time, eh! idk -______-“

A NOTE TO ALL MY FRIENDS: Once a majority of my friends find a significant other, they go M.I.A. I like people who can balance their social life with time with their speacial someone. Like i said, I don’t like people feeling left out. If you do see me with a girl and we’re hanging out, most likely we’re not friends, I mean sure, we’re chill, but most likely that girl is my guy friends girlfriend or date. See I want a female friend who’s just there for the moment, ya dig??

In other notes, I like independent people as well, they don’t always depend on other people unless their willing to sacrifice something and actually be fair with it.

All this being said, I never really experience girl quality time.

And all this being said, girls i personally(not all) i know judge me before they get to know me, talk shit, are my friends girlfriends, clingy and annoying, only care about themselves, etc. FUCK THAT SHIT! :)

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/307091387/girls-i-know-personally

I Grew Up With Lee's Sandwhiches and beaches

2009-12-31T14:47:00.000-08:00

In Fresno, life feels uncomplete because Fresno does not have a beach other than dirty lakes and rivers and there’s nothing compared to Lee’s Sandwhiches. Oh baby jesus =/

The Type of Girl's I Appreciate

2009-12-31T14:46:00.002-08:00

The kind of girls who can actually be chill with other girls and society, other than talking shit, but truthfully in a acceptable manner. With eyes of realization like no other, the type of girls who look at things in more than one perspective to try and understand things, and actually understand the concepts of any situation or matter. Not the type of girl who takes drama and shit up the ass, but makes a solution that is manageable, meaning that it benefits her and the people around her in a good positive way. The type of girl who doesn’t need a guy to feel cared for and understands her standards of “love”. The type of girl who accepts her family the way they are. The type of girl who is educated, and it doesn’t matter what field her intelligence is in, as long as she has brains. It’s even more amazing when she has a passion, a hobby she can strive for. She’s the type of girl who doesn’t just go with the flow, but makes the flow better. I also appreciate the care free kind of girls, I envy them so because they have a beautiful charisma. Anything about them can make them beautiful, and they don’t have to be pretty! They just make themselves open to the world to create a wonderful atmosphere, thus, it’s so comfortable being around her, that person.

So hear me out people, it is rare to find a girl like this.

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/306890698/the-type-of-girls-i-appreiciate

LV Dreams

2009-12-31T14:46:00.001-08:00

When i was a kid, i use to think i was physic cause a majority of my dreams would come true, like all out repeat deja vu’s when i was a kid. Later to find out they were called premonitions. But that was when i was a kid, now that im at this age rank, dreams are just dreams to me. But I often find it quite strange how i dream about the same house, the same neighborhood, the same people i dont know, the same scenery. It’s just, the environment of that dream, it always comes back, its always a different story line, but it’s always the same place. Just saying, I find it quite strange.

I Don't Expect A Lot from People in General

2009-12-31T14:41:00.001-08:00

but when they say they’ll do something, I expect them to keep their word. I don’t care how late they are[sometimes] just as long as things are done. Don’t feel as if i have high expectations for you. People piss me off a lot, so I don’t wanna deal with them, so I just see them as a living organism doing their own thing, they don’t need me, or anyone else tying them down. People have their own lives. But when it comes to them not keeping their word or finishing what theyre “suppose” to do, it kinda shows me they have low morals. And i guess, in a way, self-centered.

I Don't Want to be Like That

2009-12-31T14:40:00.001-08:00

Ever since a majority of my friends had a significant other, a majority of them dropped their social life to be with their significant other 24/7. No matter what even when were hanging out with friends as a group, their boyfriends/girlfriends would be with them. A lot of them started lieing too, like, lieing about why they couldn’t hang out, and most likely they lied just so they can spend time with their special someone. Well, i don’t want to be like them. I like to balance my social life in between time with my boyfriend. I don’t want anybody thinking i choose my boyfriend over them all the time. I value time i have with friends as much as I do with my boyfriend. But I’m not gunna give BS excuses to not hang out just to see my boyfriend. Like real talk, i dont know what im saying, i dont think im making sense, but idk, gRRRR!!!

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/299038341/i-dont-want-to-be-like-that

What are you priorities??

2009-12-31T14:39:00.002-08:00

For all my friends who don’t know what they’re doing to themselves because their to sucked up into their own world or a certain “someone” elses world, i’d just like to say YOUR FUCKIN UPPPPP!!!!

you guys need to get your act together

this is specifically talking about 5 people i know

How We Met

2009-12-31T14:39:00.001-08:00

So this morning I went through my old posts on tumblr cause back in the days, i blogged every few days instead of everyday like i do now. Not to mention what i wrote was more meaningful than my posts now -____-“

Anyways, I was looking for the day i first met my boyfriend. Turns out, I wrote about what happened that day, but I didn’t write about him =/ Anyways, we met at a dodgeball kickback kinda thing at BHS, it was like 11 at night to 1 AM. I was talking to my friend and Lance thought i was talking to him, but then i was like oh, sorry i was talking to my friend LOL. so yeah, there you have it :]

i guess we met June 16, 2009

http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/123510763/cyphers-in-the-moonlight

Now, the official night we met, i was like wtf?? I only wrote about what happened before i went to the movies, instead of after. So yeah, on October 17, 2009 me and Lance were officially introduced by his friend Ste7en. We just got done watching Paranormal Activity and me and steven are just talking and Lance comes up and yeah yeahhh :]

Funnny thing is, Lance doesn’t remember when we met -______-” I think he said he was buzzed both times we met, but I can’t remember what he told me >.<

but yeah after the 1st time we met at the dodgeball thingy, we saw a lot of each other before we formally met. Like at Lollicup or through friends, so yeah. I like how we both noticed each other :]

Once Upon A House

2009-12-31T14:38:00.001-08:00

When i was a kid, i use to live in this house and my family always use to throw family parties so all my relatives and me would just chill in this room. It was a tiny cramped room and it was just old, torn, and just a beat up house. So one day, that room became like a journal or like an open diary. Me and all my cousins were upset after a grad party, so we started writing on the walls, and some of us are like graffiti artists and just started tagging on every surface of the walls. I wonder if that house ever got torn down or anything, i’d like to revisit that room. Man, i really wonder. MAN! man oh man aha

Me and my Boyfriend

2009-12-31T14:37:00.001-08:00

make animal noises to each other O___O

mooo, meow, quack, woof

then he’d end it with *cough

lol, its so funny when he does that, cause i dont know how to respond to that LOL

lol babe<3

Which is a stronger emotion: anger or love?

2009-12-31T14:36:00.001-08:00

None, to me theyre well balanced.

Love requires a lot of qualities. You can see love viewed in many difference perspectives. Either your being loved, in love, or feelin some lovin from a sweet energy from loved ones such as a family, significant other, a individual human(friend), an animal, or a friendly atmosphere or a lovely memoir. This feeling is what makes us human, but some point in life, the emotion “anger” gets triggered.

In life, there will be stress or anything that will get you angered. From this, we learn how to deal with this. Either it be the hard way, or the easy way. Anger well get the best of us sometimes and we have to learn how to control it. You dont need love to control anger, but note to personal self, anger taught me how to love and I learned that anger is sometimes good. To feel relieved. I know anger is a bad thing, but it’s also a feeling either you like it or not.

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/296294307/which-is-a-stronger-emotion-anger-or-love

What in life, is beautiful to you? Where do you find inspiration?

2009-12-31T14:33:00.000-08:00

People, Nature, and Society

Beautiful people are a great inspiration to me, not their appearance, but theyre soul. Theyre a daily reminder to myself that people can still be pure no matter what goes on their life. They can have it all bad, but the people i know set aside differences to better themselves and their world around. The daily things are also beatiful, such as making memories and viewing sites that you might not ever get the chance to see again.

I get my inspiration from just living life. I like what life has to offer me, I learn so much from it. I like being human.

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/296281908/what-in-life-is-beautiful-to-you-where-do-you-find

I wish i was photogentic

2009-12-31T14:32:00.001-08:00

i dont think im ugly or anything, im just really unphotogentic, therefor the reason why i blurr out my face in a majority of my pictures. But, i have some creative ideas for some self portriats, and it makes me so mad that i cant even look decent in a picture! like, i really dont get it. I look myself in the mirror and i feel fine, but when it comes to pictures its like…. why cant it look like the way i see myself?? I really hate taking pictures =/ Just sayin. Oh, and i know, im not that great lookin, ive been told im ugly countless of times in all honesty, it doesnt bother me, so yeah.

There are many days I want to relive

2009-12-31T14:20:00.002-08:00

but i’d be tempted to change things, and everything would be different, in a good way, but the good things now would be different in a bad way. When going through life lessons the hard way, you have to easily accept things for the way they are, no matter what the outcome is, good or bad. This is how we learn, it’s like crawling all over again.

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/295626463/there-are-many-days-i-want-to-relive

Male Photographers

2009-12-31T14:20:00.001-08:00

I have noticed that a majority of them have nice hands. Like clean nails, and idk, just really nice hands. One of their best qualities! :D Just saying, lol.

Braces

2009-12-31T14:19:00.001-08:00

Because of the holidays, i have to wait a month for the procedure. I am qualified for braces, but i’d have to undergo surgery because as a kid i had TMJ so when i grew up, my jaws became disproportionate so theyre gunna, i guess move my jaws forward. And i wonder, does that mean no more chubby cheeks?? O_O CHYESSSSSS!!! >:DDDD i hate my cheeks LOL

I Don't know How to Explain how Happy I am right Now

2009-12-31T14:18:00.001-08:00

thank you Lance Benggon for picking me up when i was being tossed around, uninspired, and tired. Thank you for lightning up my days and making me look forward to many things. Youve made me the happiest ive ever been in months. i really appreciate you, i just want to let you know that. and im thankful to have you in my life :)

12.19.09 Lance Benggon :)

2009-12-31T14:16:00.000-08:00

So, its official :)

Mina Sora Soukantouy + Lance Benggon= Girlfriend + Boyfriend :D

after a whole year of being single, i was lucky enough to find someone like him. id really like to say i like him a lot, and it feels nice to say that lance benggon is my boyfriend. oh, and he makes me really happy, you dont even know :)

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/291345764/12-19-09-lance-benggon

Lance Benggon

2009-12-31T14:15:00.001-08:00

For the past few months ive been falling down and broken, but hes picking me up back into peices so fast, and i can honestly say, he makes me the happiest ive ever been in so long. I don’t want to imagine what it would be like if we never met each other. I really like this guy and i feel realy lucky<3 :)

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/289822949/lance-benggon

I always Wondered why Living things Cry

2009-12-31T14:12:00.001-08:00

it makes me sad when i see my dog cry, so i rather not let my mother see me tear up.

it sickens me really, it sickens how mentally hurt and unstable i am right now.

it sickens me how everythings erased and things are unseen and how i dont have the courage to even speak up

the way things once were i cannot patch up to make it feel complete again

its not my eyes who are crying, but it is my heart

I just Cried

2009-12-31T14:11:00.000-08:00

i finally cried after months of damage, i always wondered when it was gunna hit me hard

dude, if these people make me cry, i gotta stop, stop it all

i dont want to care anymore

yes, i am crying right now

Original Post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/285541381/i-just-cried

2010

2009-12-31T14:09:00.001-08:00

i dont plan on making goals anymore, i made hella goals, none of them complete, maybe two or three. 2009 really has me disheartned. all the friendships gone and faded away, all the goals and dreams flushed down the toilet. so imma just wing it with 2010. just fuck everything, think positive, go with the flow, and what not. not trying to make it sound negative, its just, it is what it is, right??

well i can say this, im looking forward to 2010 because:

1. Ian and Kevin are coming into town for new years i think, and i havent seen them in almost a year -____-” i really miss them<3 haha xD shout out to PoppinIKE and Poppin NERD :)

2. Days spent with Lance<3333 :)

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/283914394/2010

Important Phone Calls

2009-12-31T14:08:00.001-08:00

especially if it requires school, doctor, insurance, business calls that i have to make because my fob of a parents cant speak good engrish is annoying as hell -___-” like im trying to sound all professional and what not and my moms all in the background telling me what to say and i cant concentrate so im just like STFU! gawdddd -_____-” oh jeezzzzus! idk man haha

When I do tell the truth

2009-12-31T14:03:00.001-08:00

everyones gunna think im full of bullshit

but you guys will hear the truth someday

do people really think im that dumb?? fuck.

When did I become so Ignorant??

2009-12-31T14:02:00.000-08:00

fuck, when i completely spaced out and gave up in that one phase i went through, i mustve really fucked myself up.

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/279667525/when-did-i-become-so-ignorant

ughhh yeah, theres a reason of why im fed with people now

2009-12-31T14:01:00.003-08:00

SUBLIMINAL MESSAGING

i dont give a flying fuck. ill be brutal and guess what, i dont care. i can care a less lot. i know what i know, you know what you know. would you like to know what i know?! well guess what?! even if i try to explain myself everyones always got shit to say and they dont even know the words coming out of my mouth. ALL THE DAMN TIME

I hate people who ask too much questions

2009-12-31T14:01:00.001-08:00

and act all offensive and theyre like nahhh man but they know they are -___-“

like i can totally know something and they be like oh did you know this, did you know that?? dude, STFU, i dont need to know everything on the subject, i aint no expertise on whatever topic we may happen to be talking about. theres a difference between sharing and having a conversation, but showing off what you know and making that other person feel like a dumbass or in some cases “poser”. its just like really, your gunna be like that?? whatever dude.

"All I ever care about is $$$"

2009-12-31T13:59:00.000-08:00

im not gunna lie its true. im addicted to money, i need money in my life, but even when i do im never satasfied! my money managing skills are ridiculous! i couldnt even save millions if my life depended on it! like the only reason why im like this is because im irresponsible and have debts to pay off! AND PEOPLE STFU! i dont need people reminding me about how much i owe! shit its hella bank, money makes me soooo sad and MAD! so it makes me mad when people remind me about the amount of money i owe which is HELLA. but man you know, FUUUUUU i just need money man, get out of debt. stop worrying and being paranoid. damn man, damn -_____-“

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/279522031/all-i-ever-care-about-is

Hottie hook up NO NO

2009-12-31T13:58:00.001-08:00

i dont care if you think my friends are hot, i dont care if you think my relatives are flamin hottttt!! seriously, i dont give a flying fuck what anyone thinks about the people i hang out with or the people im related to. im tired of hearing “omfg, hook me up, your cousin is sooo hotttt!!” “hook it up one time” the fuck?? am i matchmaker or something?! eh, but anyways. nahhh i will not hook you up with anyone, have the balls to go up to that person yourself. and if im related to that person, i could care less if your trying to get at them.

k bye<3

I'm feeling kind of lucky

2009-12-31T13:57:00.001-08:00

i now have something to look forward to everyday<3 its something ive been constantly thinking about. whens the next time were gunna talk?? next time i get to hear his voice?? next time i get to see him?? and as curious as i am, how did i get so lucky with a guy like him?? hes really amazing, hes the one that takes the bad thoughts away from my head. lately ive been tired of thinking of all the bad stuff, and he brought in good smiles and a warm feeling and it feels as if all the karma and evil feelings ive been having has vanished. hes something speacial and im feeling pretty damn lucky. i like you a lot lance, hehe, like a lotttt<333 ^____^

Lance Benggon<3

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/275673148/im-feeling-kinda-lucky

When i tell you something pisses me off, it PISSES me off

2009-12-31T13:55:00.000-08:00

i dont give a flying fuck whos camera it is honestly. i dont care if its your camera, my camera, someone elses camera, i will make you delete that shit if you have a picture of me! nahh seriously, i tell you guys countless of times, that person may not know, but at least he deleted it. but yeah “mina, its not your camera, stop it!” i dont give a flying fuckkkk!!! pisses me off. pisses me off sooo much when someone just gets a camera all up on my face. i swear, id punch someone if they just dont stop. thats how much i hate taking pictures.

okay, bye -______-“

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/275568235/when-i-tell-you-something-pisses-me-off-it-pisses-me

R.I.P. Mushi Mushu

2009-12-31T13:53:00.000-08:00

i come home and come to find a tragic tragedy =/ i went to go feed my fish[betta] mushi mushu and hes lying in the bottom of his rocks! D: he dieddd!! T.T its my fault >.< i just recently changed his home, he use to be in this big tank with a filter and everything with a tiny playhouse, but then my dummy self put him in a tiny goldfish bowl a few days ago :[ im soooo dumbbbb T^T my pet fish dieddd!! D:

i bought him with my ex as a birthday present last year, now i gotta call my ex that he died cause he told me, “if he dies, you better tell me!” i called him, but he just recently got a new numberrr T.T anyways, when we bought him, i kept the little container that i bought him in, buried him in that and wrote some nice thoughts about my fish. i placed his tiny playhouse on top with a bunch of his marble rocks that complimented his colors and gave him a buddah washing, idk how to describe it! =X

anyways, i wish you well mushi mushu<3

AHAHAHA i named him after mushi of mulan, just put mushi in front of it =P

but yeahhh, mad loveeeee to mushi mushu<3

9.21.08-12.08.09

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/275514003/r-i-p-mushi-mushu

R.I.P. Tina Soukantouy

2009-12-31T13:51:00.000-08:00

December 7, 1995

Little sister, take care of us from above okay<3 Daddy’s on his way to see you, unless he already did. I hope he gave you flowers. It’s raining today, i hope your okay little one. Hope your doing well and don’t forget we love you and we hope your happy and well where ever you are now. I don’t know what to say, but Happy Birthday little one<3 The rest of the family hopes to visit you soon :)

Love, sister

Mina Soukantouy :)))

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/273803362/r-i-p-tina-soukantouy

Guys and Girls CAN be JUST friends

2009-12-31T13:46:00.000-08:00

if you all havent known, KaioARMADA.tumblr.com is my best friend

weve been friends since 8th grade year, were juniors now, the both of us

i find it really funny when people use to say that we liked each other and what not, and Kathy, im terribly sorry that this friendship had hurt you >.< but its been years and i have never developed feelings for this young man, the words best friend and more than that is definitely defined in this friendship that me and kaio have. we would never be anything more than just friends, i just dare/cannot believe so. so for all of those who have said such things, HAH! In your face, guys and girls can be just friends! >:D

SUKKKKASSSSS!!! LOL idk, hyper kinda mood right now ._.

*throws apple at kaio,

EAT IT YOUR FREELOADERRRR!!<333 lol

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/271466212/guys-and-girls-can-be-just-friends

Before you get it the wrong way!

2009-12-31T13:45:00.001-08:00

im basically a happy go lucky go with the flow kind a girl with a blank mind, of course i have emotions, but i often dont think! i know my posts may seem emo lately, but hey, its rare to see me in an emotional state. but, just to let you guys know, im like idk how to explain it- im frustrated, mad, sad, upset, but in all, im alright because i do move on, its just the phase im going through right now, it hit me hard. but i know life goes on. ive got my back, im a big girl, dont trip man. ill get over it, i know i always do. i still smile, i still feel fine, i still live life. its just, i wish that portion of my life would just be over with. thats it, nothing else. lifes going by fine, just some parts are ehhh. blahhhh haha

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/271235351/before-you-get-it-the-wrong-way

i wish i could just cry.....

2009-12-31T13:44:00.001-08:00

i cant cry even if i wanted to, i can only cry from physical pain and not emotional pain, but i wish i could. i dont know why i can’t, but i really wanna cry, i wanna let it out, if i could cry, everything would be sooooo much easier on me, the stress would go away and my chest would feel relieved. awww man, i wish i could just cry right now, let it all out. ive been so mad, and so stressed i dont even know what to do. mann, i wanna just.safj sdghr gawddddd!!!

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/271194435/i-wish-i-could-just-cry

im feeling kind of lonely

2009-12-31T13:42:00.000-08:00

this is the 2nd time ive ever felt so lonely

ive shunned myself from family, and now im shunning myself from people in general, but im only doing it cause im fed up. but a person like me in general loves being around people, and we like exploring new heights. i dont know what to do. ive been sitting here empty minded. every morning for the past year ive layed in bed for hours with thoughts running through my mind. im starting to not even feel safe in my own mind. sure, my smile is real, ive never had a fake smile so far, but sooner or late, my smile will be replaced. as a get away, id just like to watch the highways, go on a roadtrip and watch the streets pass by, maybe even the train, and just see some old friends. i want to see light again.

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/271123846/im-feeling-kind-of-lonely

if you really are my friend, then stop asking if im alright, or making statements

2009-12-31T13:41:00.001-08:00

if you really did want to know, you WOULD notice the shit i post and how i feel, dont you see ive been hinting you guys for months! MONTHHSSSS!! this is ridiculous! you know how mad it makes me?! these questions are like, wtf, did you really just ask me that?? then you tell me you notice me?! BULLSHIT if you noticed me, youd notice half the things i did and you wouldnt have to ask questions. this posts goes out to everyone i know in real life.

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/270036112/if-you-really-are-my-friend-then-stop-asking-if-im

I don't understand why some people can't defend themselves when it comes to REAL violence.

2009-12-31T13:34:00.000-08:00

bullying, beating, take downs, i think fighting is different, but when your getting beat up, and your getting hurt really bad and your just taking it for hours, or even 10 minutes, i really think you should just defend yourself, fight back, or just runaway. although i understand some cases are really different, but i cant stand it when they just take it when they can do something about. i know violence doesnt solve the answer, but come on, do something about it! the solution can be anything, just as long as your not getting hit multiple of times!

original post: http://minalv21.tumblr.com/post/269851413/i-dont-understand-why-some-people-cant-defend

Numb and Slow

2009-12-08T21:53:00.001-08:00

so, if you guys read any of my personal posts for over months, then i guess youve figured out that i got tired and fed up and i just didnt want to deal with anything. and there was a post where i said i would completely vanish everything i thought ever happened. i forced myself to stop thinking, to stop worrying. i started staring off into space a lot, minding my own business. after that, ive become completely numb in thought, slow in reaction, and i believe…. dumb -____-” i guess i really wanted to forget and that i felt really hurt by peoples action even though it didnt really involve me. but like, i couldnt handle seeing things pass us by, and kill everything! i couldnt handle it! i just wanted to forget. and because of my vanishing thoughts process, ive become an asshole. acted like i didnt care, saying brutal words, hurting a dear close friends feeling, and didnt give a care in the world of what was going on just cause i wanted to start something new and open a door. but thats life and you have to deal with it! life has people in it, and thats a part of life that you have to deal with. so im sorry for my empty thoughts and my reckless care of the world and the things that revolve around me. and this caused me to think again, and i didnt learn from my first lesson….. im becoming numb in thought again and not caring. but i did learn that im still going to try and keep things going, flowing. life. ehhhh, there is a care in the world. this post was pointless. oh well

Still HERE

2009-12-08T21:52:00.000-08:00

i know everyone hasnt been the same lately and it seems like everything has drifted, but i wonder if anyone notices?? NAHHH they don’t, pretty damn sure about that. anyways, despite the differences between me and some people, i cant just leave the trouble behind. i have already given things a try, been patching things up for months on out, just trying my best, not giving up. but when i had proof that no one really cared and the empty feeling was casted upon me, i started feeling erased, replaced, forgotten, so i gave up. but id just like people to know, that i wont forget the times, the things weve been through, the moments that was spent through time together. you guys meant a lot to me, but the atmosphere is different now. but, it doesnt mean that i dont want anything to do with you guys. im still here, still here.

Unkown 2

2009-12-04T18:40:00.001-08:00

You may feel that empty feeling, but remember, other than a hand told hold, there are arms to hug, other than loving someone, there are families that needs a little more lovin, other than a significant other to care for, there is a world of yours that cares for you, other than laying down with a special someone, there are friends to lay down and look into the sky with because, instead of staring into a lovers eyes, you can just stare into life, watch lifes time speed up.

btw, i made these up!

Comparable

2009-12-04T18:39:00.003-08:00

I use to have a thing for a guy freshmen year, but i had a boyfriend at the time, throughout my whole freshmen year. I didn’t realize that i liked the other guy til he left, he moved away and i broke up with my boyfriend. Then i was like….[i hope my ex doesnt read this], well, all that fighting did me no good and i could have had him, no wonder why he kept telling me the bad parts of my relationship. Even though he was miles away, we started talking, which was useless, but we couldnt help it. I’d like to say, that i regret not being with him and that i was dumb, cause he could have been the best I ever had, he knew how to make me soooooo happy<3 but anyways, 2 or 3 years liking each other, i guess we just gave up. But were still friends and catch up with each other, but i just got done watching a video on youtube. And i was like wow….. how comparable is this, kinda makes me incomplete and brought back hella memories. I dont like him anymore, but i still care for him and i miss him a lot<3

Watching this video, its just so beautiful, it makes me sad *sighhhhh =/

Why must you use the word love??

2009-12-04T18:39:00.001-08:00

relationship wise, i dont fall in love fast, it just doesnt feel right to love unless you feel it truly, i have to give it time. i have standards for the word love. many people have different definitions for love, but i am so picky with this phrase. its just, to say love early in a relationship, itta just kinda freak me out, how do you know?? its so young, havent known me for so long, how can you just say such a thing?? i mean, i thought about it. back in september, i was talking to this guy, and we just barely started talking, and were just kicking it, we werent going out or anything, but he busted the phrase out, “i love you” i freaked out, but i didnt know what to do, so i just laughed and told him the next day how i really felt. the love movement really isnt my thing unless i truly feel it, it takes time for me to fall in love and what not. maybe that is why i have commited relationships?? i mean, it was nice being loved, but im not sure if i can ever love again, but it doesnt mean that its a possibility. man, first rant about love, yuck!

Unknown

2009-12-04T18:38:00.002-08:00

I can't figure this out, but im liking this feeling, im liking this moment, its the smile you present, that makes it all seem so unbelievable, and all these people around are just like the galaxy, a special star that you gave to me once. and i wish to show you an adventure that no one can offer you, cause it seems life is timeless, its so classic, it feels so nice. id like to just feel one more time instead of feeling numb, being numb, i dont want to be numb anymore. life seems so timeless, its so classic, its not so hard to be believing in anymore.

It's starting to get annoying

2009-12-04T18:38:00.001-08:00

the daily things on an everyday basis that surrounds my environment for me. i need to find an opening, very soon, before i burst and shun myself from everything around. i get mad so easily now, and pissed off, its like really?? these people dont know that i cant stand it?? other than that, i should learn how to take shit from people, but im fed up honestly. so much bullshit and waiting, and nothings happening. apparently they say things are gunna change, ive had my eyes open from the start my eyes starting realizing real lies. i aint no fool, but i come off as one for my own good. i keep things shut because i dont wanna deal with it. the problem with me is, i dont wanna deal with a lot of things. i just hope, that i can start a new opening, either it be a fresh new start, or something that seems brand new from the old times. i dont know……

Words

2009-12-04T18:36:00.000-08:00

I reminisce on the past only because my present sucks and quite frankly, I see the future in my dreams when I sleep. Meaning, I have nothing else better to do when I'm conscious.

credit: http://vincentlumapan.tumblr.com/

2 Kinds of Lead Ons

2009-12-04T18:35:00.001-08:00

Lead On’s:

we all know what a lead on is, but let me talk to you about:

Self Lead On’s:

self lead ons are most of times cocky or confident that theyll get with that person. they think they can get anybody they want and assume that that person is already intrested and they just dont get it. sometimes they see a different perspective from the other person to make themselves feel flattered, which isnt a good thing. the next thing you know, they call you a lead on, when it was actually themselves who was leading themself onto you. ya dig?? idk

just a random rant

This 2009

2009-12-04T18:33:00.001-08:00

was full of bullshit, but i loved it a lot

just wish things went good instead of bad

lost many friends, always felt out of placed, didnt achieve any of my goals this year

finance problems rounded one by one

events and friends backfired on me

my birthday was utterly complete bullshit

i dont even know man

whered you go, i miss you so, seems like its been forever, since youve been gone

2009-12-04T18:32:00.000-08:00

i dont know how i feel about my friends anymore, i just know that i feel as if there not there for me anymore, but a majority of the times, they only care about themselves. im not calling them selfish or anything, its just sometimes, they need to think outside of the box. also, using reverse psychology is what theyve been doing a lot lately. from this time on, it always use to be just one, like a unity of smiles, but now everythings gotta be fair or something in it for them. things were always fair, but now everythings equal, in a bad way, in a selfish way. idk how to describe it. but it makes me really mad how theyre starting to cheat and lie, and possibly backstabbing each other. this shit is really getting to me

People are Hypocrites

2009-12-04T18:31:00.001-08:00

i cant honestly believe a word anything anyone tells me, cause ive seen them go against their own words and what not.

i miss yewwww

2009-11-29T21:04:00.000-08:00

ive missed you everyday since the first hello
i lie, i thought about you a lot since the first hello

you had me missing you everyday at the second hello<3 :]

i miss you i miss you i miss youuuu
=X

Tell me that you dont care

2009-11-29T20:18:00.003-08:00

ill take you on an adventure and show you what your missing out on

tell me that you dont care, i dare you

Mina, take a step forward

2009-11-29T20:18:00.001-08:00

Mina, where do you go from here??

*looks back

i miss you<3

but im moving on, cant hold back, wont hold back. im gunna find a new life, but i will never let anything fade away, i loved you guys, thanks for everything you guys did for me. but lately, things are being uncalled for.

this isnt my goodbye, more of a see you once in awhile kinda thing<3

All i need is time

2009-11-29T20:17:00.001-08:00

when is everything gunna patch up?? i know things cant be like how they use to be, but when can my heart feel warm again?? all i want to feel is happiness when im around people, but i feel empty and unwanted. when am i gunna be apart of something again?? i cant do things on my own, i cant make me smile on my own, i want to do things with people and have an adventure. i want to smile that i can share with other people. i want to be surrounded in a good atmosphere. where did all of it go?? where did all of you guys go?? i hope you guys realize, a lot of things fell a part =/

Video Games

2009-11-29T20:10:00.001-08:00

the best part in a relationship, i find it so cute when guys have their game faces on<3 >:D and their all concentrated and what not and when they win they get all excited, haha, cute shit<3

although, i recall one time my ex chose video games over me the whole entire time i was over then i left -____-” not cool LOL

its fun playing with them, just chillin in their shirt and boxers, the best part<3 :)

and when i win, i get kisses, pwahahahhaa!!!<3333

get yourself together man, damn!

2009-11-15T19:13:00.000-08:00

i dont give a flying fuck if you “havent figured yourself truly out” yet. i mean, the hell man?? following the crowd aint gunna get you no where. liking things because of the certain crowd you hang out. stop migrating and find some real friends. real friends who can cope with your shit, cause in all honesty, your a great dude, but your “wants” are what kills your purity. its what makes you sane! just stop trying to do things just because your “current” friends are doing it. stop liking things because the people you think are “cool” like it. i find it really annoying that you tryyyy so hard to fit in, when all you really have to do is stand there and be yourself. i can pretty much figure what kinda person you are, stop hiding behind your damn turtle shell of lies! you aint foolin no one NO ONE. the things your “intrested” in are just all an illusion to just make you look cool. stop relying on sources and diggin in hella deep just to fit. just let it influence you. [that sounded hypocritical but i hope you know what it means] OKAY idk where to go from here, peace<3

i am not worth a lot of things

2009-11-15T19:12:00.000-08:00

worth your time. worth your breath. worth your thoughts. worth your vision.

i dont see myself as any signficant part of a lot of things. i am not worth a lot of things, either it be something solid or transparent.

seems like theres no more room for me to fit into space anymore

feels like my name is to never be spoken, or anything about me

i dont feel as if im well remembered, least bit if im worth your memory

everyone seems to never be satasfied of what they see from me

the possibility with a thoughtless girl like me to think such a thing is because……..

I Don't Smoke

2009-11-15T19:10:00.001-08:00

yeah thats right, but some guys make smoking attractive, it just depends on the way you look, the persona you give off, and if i knew you will, id have to think your personality would have to go well with it. if you smoke or dont smoke, i could care less. so yeah, just sayin LOL

but i for one, will never smoke…. maybe get high, but im good being clean for now :]